” are you going to try for a boy?”….
“oh, maybe 2nd/3rd/4th/5th time lucky then”….
Seriously, Ive had it all. From family, to friends, to strangers and back again! No, we have never and will never ‘try for a boy’, we have been lucky every single time I have given birth (yes, ‘I’ cause all us girls know there is no we in labour hahaha) to all our girls and there is no poor Josh. He feels very blessed and is content with all girls despite what people may think.
I’d be lying if I said I never EVER hoped for a boy. There were times in the past when I would hope for a boy for Josh’s sake. Not because I wanted one but because I THOUGHT thats what all guys want. A son. And since we kept having girls, Josh MUST want a son. I never used to believe him when he would say he’s fine with all his girls. But he is.
I remember when I was pregnant with Ivy. We didn’t find out the gender. I knew deep down she was a girl. I could just feel it. When she was born and we saw that she was a girl, I did feel like all eyes were on me, like they were seeing if I was disappointed. The pressure to have both boys and girls is definitely there. If we meet someone new and they find out we have all girls..the next question is ALWAYS ‘will you try for a boy?’ or ‘I hope Josh has his shotgun ready’- and I don’t actually like that. I don’t want my kids hearing people constantly saying ‘ oh you have 4 girls? Poor dad!’ I don’t want them to grow up thinking we wished one of them was a boy. Because we don’t. We love our girls and are very blessed by them all and we wouldn’t change it.
That being said, I’m well aware that gender disappointment is a real thing, but I’ve never felt it. Someone asked me why I don’t feel the ‘need’ for a boy and why it doesn’t matter to Josh and I. I guess a big part for me is that I know that Josh is happy and doesn’t mind either way. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders knowing that Josh is just as happy with another girl as he would be with a boy. If I was aware that he was desperate for a boy that may change and I might feel the pressure to produce one. But because I don’t have that pressure I feel quite a sense of freedom to be happy with our tribe of girls. Secondly, and I know that this gets said a lot but many people can’t have any children (good friends of ours included) and would love to and I just think we need to be thankful for what we have. You may not have a son or a daughter but you actually have a huge blessing in your life whether it’s your 2nd or 4th daughter/son. Thirdly, you can’t control what you have. I know there are books, and certain foods to eat and times of the month to try and all that jazz but really…it is out of your control. Don’t let it consume you. You don’t want something like this to steal your joy at having another human. It is such an exciting time so treasure it. It’s not here long (I’m learning this super fast as my baby is already 1 waaaaah!)
If we ever decide to have another (yes big families I’m sure are a topic for another day and hey, if we choose to have another guess whaaaaaat…we will!) I know that there will be the comments about trying our luck again or oooo I bet you’re hoping its a boy or whatever. But we won’t be having another baby for everybody else’s sakes. We won’t be having one because everyone says we need a boy or whatever (I legit would hope for another girl actually!) we would be having one because we want another CHILD.
For everyone struggling with gender disappointment..I don’t have a whole lot of advice because I understand I don’t walk in your shoes. I will just leave you with this.. ‘the pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy thats coming – Romans 8-18.